Writing by Payal Dalal, LCSW

Whose Voice Is That?

Telling the difference between your voice and the ones you inherited.

You are hard on yourself in a way you would never dream of being with a friend. You question your own decisions, feel guilty even when you haven’t done anything wrong, and endure a steady stream of internal criticism that sounds just like you. But is it?

A lot of the things we tell ourselves didn’t actually start with us. They started with what we absorbed growing up — the offhand comments about our bodies, our emotions, or our intelligence. If you are called selfish enough times, you start to believe advocating for yourself is a crime. If you are told you’re “too sensitive,” you learn to apologize for having feelings at all.

As children, we absorb the voices of our caregivers long before we have the capacity to evaluate if they are true. What was said to us — and crucially, what was left unsaid — becomes the raw material for our self-worth. That means the harsh voice narrating your life right now might not actually be yours. It is likely an inherited one.

Therapy helps you begin to tell the difference. We work together to notice when the criticism kicks in, pause, and ask: Do I actually believe this, or is this just something I was taught? The goal of therapy isn’t to banish every uncomfortable thought. It is to learn how to turn the inherited voices down, so you can finally hear your own.

If this feels familiar, you can book a session or request a free consultation.